I wish I could say it to you

They say Silence is Golden. Not always, surely! I was silent today, as I have been a few times before, and it was devastating!

I am not feeling good today. I wish it would have blossomed to something better. It didn't, may be it was not supposed to. Still, things would have been different, hopefully better, had it been the opposite of what happened.

Someone feels I don't say things face to face, I hide them and say them over the phone or text. Yes, I do. May be I am not able to express myself the way I should when in person.

Something has ended today and somewhere I think it has ended for good. I am not at all feeling good about it. But what troubles me more is the fact that I can't say this to that person! I've hurt and troubled that person very much. Today, was perhaps the last day I did it again! I would be lying if I say that every time I did something bad to that person, I felt bad as well. But this time, it's different. I am not liking it. I wish I can call up and say this but I shall not. Don't wanna hurt no more. Don't wanna raise any more hopes.

I am sorry. It's not your fault. I really, really wish you to be happy, always.

love...

My Wishlist of Gadgets

I would say that I realized my interest for gizmos pretty late in life. The realization came when I was looking for a new cellphone packed with all features. This was back in 2006 and I had bought Sony Ericsson K750i at that time after going through a lot of reviews on gsmarena.com, phonearena.com, cnet.com, etc. That was the time since when I have always had keen interest in knowing about gizmos, and also possessing them.

As of now, I have these and I would really like to extend this list further:

1) Lenovo R61 Thinkpad Laptop - Thanks to MET ;)

2) Sony Cybershot Digicam - Diwali shopping 2008

3) Apple Ipod Touch 8gb - Birthday gift 2009
4) Nokia E72 - Birthday gift 2010

Following is a non exhaustive list of gizmos I am looking to buy for myself, hopefully in near future:

1) DSLR camera - Good photography needs good equipment and I think I should have a DSLR as I enjoy photography. Infact, with a DSLR to play with, I might even join Photography courses! Nikon and Canon are supposed to be the best for DSLR. Can anyone let me know a good entry level DSLR model?

2) Camcorder - Still images do not always capture all emotions, but moving pictures do. Camcorder is surely something I would want to have. Sony is supposed to be the best for Camcorders. Let me know which entry level model to go for?

3) Apple Macbook - I am an Apple fan and really want to possess a Macbook. The look, the feel, the apparatus of Macbook is simply awesome. It's stylish, its unique. Not everyone has it, not even me, yet!

4) Apple Ipad - Another great product from Apple, the Ipad is sleek, stylish and a fun gadget. However, Samsung has also come up with a similar product called Galaxy Tab. It costs half as much has Ipad, has a 3.0 mega pixel camera with LED flash(absent in Ipad) and sd card slot to expand memory(again, absent in Ipad). Seems to be a good alternative, yet, Ipad is Ipad!

5) Bose music system and headphones - Perhaps the best in business, the music system of Bose is truly amazing. The headphones are absolutely classy. However, Sennheiser is also a good alternative to Bose when it comes to headphones. I have tried one of my friends Sennheiser and loved it, would like to try my one of my own now!

6) QWERTY device - I am a fan of candy bar style cellphones and I really want to have a QWERTY device soon. My options are Blackberry and Nokia E series. My expectations from the device is to have the ability of providing fun and work both. The device should have a good camera, good music output with universal 3.5 mm jack along with all essential things needed in a business oriented device. I am more prone to get myself a Nokia QWERTY device soon.

7) Sony PSP - A fun gaming device is cool to have with you, isn't it? Best part about PSP is that you can use it on the go while when at home can also attach it to your TV and use the device as a joystick and play games on the big screen, provided your TV has HDMI ports available. Still, its a fun device, great gaming tool, also good to carry your music, videos and other stuff.

8) Timex Digital Watch - I have always been a fan of digital watches because of their sport look. I had a Timex digital watch but I lost it sometime back. Really want to have one for me soon. I am not very aware about any other brands, apart from Timex, who are known for digital watches, so guys, please help!

9) Portable USB harddisk - My portable usb drive crashed some time back and am really worried about maintaining my movies, photos, music, documents in my laptop due to shortage of memory space. This time, I'll go for a 500 gb, mostly by Seagate/Free Agent or Western Digital. It's again a useful device at your hands.

10) Android based device - Android, according to me, is the next big thing in mobile devices. The vast list of amazing applications supporting Android is enticing enough for me to have a cellphone with Android OS. As of now, Sony Ericson Xperia series and Samsung Galaxy are very good Android devices.

11) Apple Ipod Classic - I know I already have a fun Ipod, and I also plan to buy a portable usb device soon. Still, I think, Ipod classic is a great device to have with you. Huge memory available to carry music, videos, other data. Plus, you can listen to music and watch videos whenever you feel like, not something you can do with portable usb drives!

I think I'll visit this post every 6 months and update the wishlist and also the list of gadgets I already have. For me, these gadgets are nothing but toys for elder boys!

Independent India - a Glorious Misinterpretation

In the last 25 years of my life, I have seen so many changes in the way Independence Day is 'celebrated', or should I say 'treated' in India. Flag hoisting, PM's speech, loudspeakers playing patriotic songs - all these things have been the same. What has changed though, is the way we conceive our independence.

For many people, this day is just another paid holiday, the one which gives a good oppurtunity to go for a picnic, a good chance to lay down and relax the whole day. I doubt if people in our country are even considering this to be an important day. It seems that we have taken our Independence for granted!

I was just thinking about this situation and I feel it's high time we do something about it. I don't expect us to indulge in our past, remember our national heroes and pay gratitude to them - which ideally we should do as well. But, even if we show our concern about future and do something in the present for it, it would be good enough for our nation to remain undivided and independent.

Most of the successful nations in the world today are those where primarily two to three language speaking people reside. From a nations point of view this becomes very useful to address the entire population on a whole and thus have a unison among fellow citizens, which eventually leads to progress. India, on the contrary, has 31 states and some union territories as well. The number of major languages spoken across the country is over 29. This language barrier has lead to so much divide post independence. States often do not cooperate with each other because they don't feel a part of the same country. Inter-religion marriages are still not accepted happily, some of these have also led to 'honour killings' in recent times. A native from an 'x' state is not allowed to work and earn money in a 'y' state, and often beaten badly by the local political hooligans. Brain drain is still apparent here, as most of us plan to settle down abroad for the sake of a better life. Internal differences are already affecting our nation. Naxalism has become a serious threat to our people. Terrorism is rising and making our national security an issue. Poverty still lies here as people starve to death, farmers commit suicides.

Just think about our freedom fighters, their passion has led us to the India we live in today. Beyond their passion, shouldn't we also appreciate the way they brought all the people of our country together to fight the britishers? Even now, the entire nation comes together when something catastrophic happens. The point is, why do we wait for such big things to make us come together? Why do we always be reactive?

After 63 years of independence, we still are one nation. But this should not be taken for granted. We know the problems we are already facing - Poverty, Caste differences, Naxalism, Terrorism, Corruption; anyone of these can truly lead to a disrupted India. We have to make India independent again, independent from these issues. We are still a developing nation, and we would always be considered one if we do not do something about it.

I don't know what should we do. My point here is to just make you aware that we ought to do something, for sure! The sooner, the better...

For all my Guru's

Today being the auspicious day of Guru Pournima, I take this opportunity to spare sometime of my life remembering all those who have been Guru to me, all those who have imparted knowledge in me which has been the base of my life..

Bharti Teacher - She was my primary school teacher. She was the one responsible for making me good at Mathematics. I've had a lot of pasting from her but I think she has always been very concerned about my studies.

Zeverina Teacher - My secondary school teacher. One thing to learn from her is her patience and perseverance. I apologize her for all the trouble which I've given her. Inspite of that, she never gave up her concerns about me doing well in my studies.

Rakhi Tai - My elder cousin who really gave me the worst time while studying, the one who really had to curb her natural impatience just to let me understand things at my own pace, the one who took complains about me and made sure I did not repeat those. She had been there with me in my early years and a lot of what I know is because of her.

Sawant Sir/Rane Sir/Nikam Sir - I owe my success of S.S.C to these wonderful gentlemen, who were my tuition teachers. I don't think I would have done as good as I did in S.S.C if it had not been for the constant guidance by these men.

Bhandarkar Sir - I did below average at my H.S.C. if I compare my overall academic performance. However, it was this man who made Chemistry so very easy for me to grasp. I don't remember memorizing anything in Chemistry as the lectures conducted by this man were simply awesome. I owe my best score at H.S.C (92/100 in Chemistry) to him.

Patwardhan Sir - From being an average student in first year to being the topper in college in the final year of BSc IT is an achievement I shall always be very proud of. I could not have done it if it had not been for this man, the one who taught me most of the IT knowledge I know.

Zafar Khan - I won't say much about this man because I cannot verbalize what I have learnt from him; whatever it is, it is worth remembering for ages.

Hemant (Baba) - I have always been fond of dramatics and used to consider myself someone great in it until I met this man. I don't think anyone else would have abused me as much as this man. He made me learn humility, apart from whatever I have learnt of acting and dramatics from him.

Bhavesh Sir - I owe my knowledge of graphics & web designing to this man. He is a friend as well.

My Parents - My 24/7 guru's, need not say anything about their contribution.

My Friends - I have learnt a lot of things from you guys. Love you all.

I truly respect these people, and this is just a small gesture of gratitude to my Guru's. Lot more to live, lot more to learn, lot more to achieve in life. I am sure I shall be having many more Guru's as I travel the journey of life. So far so good :)

Entertaining journeys in Mumbai local trains

It's been close to a year now that I have finally started working(and earning), and my weekday routine is now set. Just like every other Mumbaikar, I commute by local trains. It takes around 3 and a half hours of commuting time for me, 1 and half while going and 2 while coming back, and this goes on from every Monday to every Friday a week(unless I have taken a leave). So, like every earning adult, I am spending most of my 'active' time in office and in the local trains. I leave early from home, and reach home late, eating and sleeping are the only 2 activities I do back home; I am sure so is the case with most of my earning friends!

After a tiring day at work, returning home in the local trains feels very boring, isn't it? You don't always like to listen to the same playlist in your ipod, the book you are reading can become boring, the newspaper must have already been read, or "the person you are trying to reach is busy on another call. Stay on the line or call..." is being heard on your phone! Trust me, the journey can really be very entertaining at times. You just need to keep your eyes open for these wierd, amusing characters that you will see in the journey.

Once, there was this young guy who was literally gymming in the train. He must be a degree college student and was doing his exercises vigorously. He held the handles and did push-ups, then used the seats to do dips and namaskars. He was a skinny guy, for sure he needed to exercise and build up muscles. But was it that necessary, that he was doing it in the train! Perhaps the guy must not have had some money to get into a gym, or he might be going on a date and doing so to impress his girl, maybe! Never really got a chance to know anything of this, coz the entertainment lasted for hardly 10 mins, and he had to get down. Just as he left, everyone who noticed him, burst out laughing, me included!

Then, there was once this unusual begger. He boarded the train, stood near the door and started taking deep breath. This went on for about 5-10 mins, and very few people had noticed this, and those who did had no clue what was coming up. Suddenly, a thumping sound was heard, as if someone is slamming a wierd sounding bongo and some inquisitive minds were wondering what's going on yaar. The begger started singing, and the thumping sound was coming from him. He was slamming his stomach, very hard, to come up with that sound. I don't remember the song, but it was surely not the regular ones and with his stomach bongo, he was really doing something different and good. He did receive appreciation from most of the people (I gave him 2 bucks while getting down the train).

I found a vacant seat, next to a guy, playing those irritating bhojpuri songs on loudspeakers of his mobile phone. Unfortunately, my ipod was down on battery so I could do nothing about it. After sometime, an middle aged man came and sat beside me. He too had a fondness for music, I suppose, and the other guy was enticing him to bring it out. He did, he started playing his own south indian songs on his phone. To add to my discomfort, both the guys had 'China' mobiles, which are too loud devices. Jugalbandi was happening between the 2, and people like me had to bear the brunt of it. That entire time, none of them received a call or an sms, and music was going on continuously, until 1 of the mobiles was low on battery. The bhojpuri guy was more happy now, and there was this mean smile on his face. But, it didn't last long; his battery was down in some time too, and I was like "Thank God. China rocks"

Then, there's this guy who sleeps on the entire seat even when the coach has enough people standing. The guy who was singing shayari's, and the guy who was drunk and trying to call up himself on his phone. There are plenty such characters to talk about, although I dont happen to see one everyday. These are the people who add a different dimension to the life of a common Mumbaikar like me, the dimension of unpaid and unasked entertainment! These crazy bunch of fellows amuse you, entertain you and bring a welcome smile, even if for a little while, on your face! The otherwise mundane journey is no more mundane now. Whatever be the destination, the journey is made cheerful by these idiots. If you have come across such people, you know what I mean.

You haven't? No problem, just keep your eyes, and your mind open the next time you are commuting by Mumbai local trains!

Thank God, I'm still alive :) :) :)

As I am still alive, I am able to write this new post, otherwise...

What I mean is I have had some moments where I've been walking on the thin line between life and death, and till now have landed on the 'life' side of it. Those incidents do come up in my dreams some times, making me realize how lucky I've been and I really thank God for this. Here are those 'wonderful' incidents, just for you guys to know:

#1: We had been to Aksa beach for a one day picnic. I was playing in the water, although not knowing to swim. By the time I realized the water level rising, I was in deep water already. My dad spotted me and came running to fetch me. I was being dragged inside by water and dad was trying to get hold of my hand. He tried once, failed(even he didn't know swimming). He tried 2nd time, my hand slipped from his. 3rd time, finally, he got hold of my hand and pulled me out.

#2: I was in degree college and was going to visit my granny. There's a short cut from Lower Parel station to her place by following the railway track. There are 5 railway tracks laid down there and I had no clue why one of those was never being used, as I had seen no trains going over that one(till that day). I had seen many people following that track to reach quickly, so did I on that day. I don't remember what I was thinking, just walking over the track, lost in my thoughts. I could hear a whistle, a strong one, but did not bother to look out where it can from. It was getting louder and louder and suddenly I thought of turning back to see where it came from. What I saw was a train coming over the same track on which I was standing, and it was just about 50 metres apart at that moment. I stepped down the track, and the train went past me making such a thunderous whistling noise, I can never forget.

#3: I was new to biking. I had to pick up dad from his office. He was waiting on the other side of the road and I had to cross to get to him. Without watching for other vehicles coming from behind, I just rode by bike towards dad. Something hit me hard the next moment and somehow I managed to gain control over my bike and stopped myself from falling on the ground. I was dumbstruck, my dad even more. Another biker, coming at a swift speed from behind, had dashed me. Somehow, even he controlled his bike. After some time, that guy came to me and just said, "Thank God, we are alive!"

Well, these are the incidents when I knocked the door of Mr. Yamraj. Fortunately for me, Mr. Yamraj was asleep then, I guess. On a serious note, I think God gave me chance to rectify these mistakes. Now, I can swim, I never cross railway track but use footover bridge and I am a safe bike rider. But more than all these, what I now believe is I should not take my life for granted. My life is precious, for me, for my family and my friends and its my responsibility to take care of it. I think I am doing a good job of it till now; and whenever I would feel I'm not, I'll have a look at this post again...good idea, isn't it?

Feelings for her

Sometimes you can't really come up with the 'right' words to express something for your 'someone special'. It happened with me as well. Thankfully, after going through a lot of music I have been able to identify those which are so close to what I felt. Here are some words, some really touching words, just to express my feelings for her, for those unforgettable moments that took place when I had nothing to say...

Light showers on one evening, we were facing the sea, calm & quiet, like the deep blue ocean, her head on my shoulder and our eyes closed:

You fill up my senses, like a night in a forest...

Like the mountains in spring time, like a walk in the rain...

Like a storm is the desert, like a beautiful ocean...

You fill up my senses, come fill me again...

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you...

Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms...

Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you...

Come let me love you, come love me again...

-- John Denver

It was not just one of my many birthdays; full of surprises, my favourite chocolate cake, the shade I was looking out for my shirt as a gift, all my loved one's with me whole day and all the arrangements wonderfully thought, organized and executed by her, just to make my birthday a special day:

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart...

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark...

Try it I may, I can never explain...

What I hear when you don't say a thing...

The smile on your face let's me know that you need me...

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me...

The touch of your hand say's you'll catch me whenever I fall...

You say it best, when you say nothing at all...

--Alison Krauss/ Ronan Keating

She could not see me off that day, as we always did otherwise, and I was going away for a few days, which made me a little upset with her...Change in atmosphere was much to handle and I was down with fever; she was not around and I needed her beside me:

If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her...

Did I try in every way, to tell her everyday, that she's my only one...

If my time on earth was full, she must face this world without me...

Is the love I gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes...

--Ronan Keating

Things have changed pretty much; anger is gone, hatred is going away, friendship is dwelling again...but there's a vacuum; of guilt, lack of faith & other priorities, not letting us come back to each other, like before. I really can't do much now, maybe something simple would help:

Smile, an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me...

Don't ever let me find you gone, coz that will bring a tear to me...

This world has lost its glory, let's start a brand new story now, my love...

You think that I don't even mean a single word I say...

It's only words, and words are all I have, to take you heart away...

--Ronan Keating

P.S. I love you